Us: You, Me, and Your Baby
by maryl
Summary: I've had this running in my head since Monday. It's set as if the car accident hadn't happened.
1. Chapter 1

Hello! Since so many of you know so much about me by reading my author's notes, I don't know if you already know this or if I've never mentioned it before now? Anyhoo, I don't have any contact with my biological parents. I've never actually even met my father. But I'm lucky. I have a mom. While she didn't give birth to me or even raise me in my early childhood, I have a mom. She loves me, unconditionally, and deeply, and I love her deeply right back. It's part of the reason I was so touched by Chuck's honesty in being able to love, truly love, a baby that wasn't biologically his. It is a beautiful thing and I think Chuck's capacity to love would make it easy for him to fall deeply and forever in love with Blair's baby. I wrote this from that idea. I set it as if the car accident never happened. Here we go...

Chuck held her tight in his arms, loving her and the way her hands gripped his jacket. They'd just pulled into the underground of the consulate, and all that was left for her to do was get out of the car and face the man she could not bring herself to marry. She had to tell him the truth. Her heart lay with another, it was where it had been since she was sixteen years old, it was with Chuck Bass.

"I want to come with you." He told her agitated. He wasn't worried that she'd change her mind but he was worried about Louis' reaction. He knew what it felt like to feel like you had lost Blair Waldorf.

Blair smiled nervously at him and stroked his jaw to try and sooth him. "I know, but it will be better if I do this on my own."

He nodded and kissed her forehead.

She smiled at him, and despite the nervousness in her gestures, Chuck could see the happiness under it. "I'll be right back." She promised and she kissed him again.

He waited, it felt like hours but he waited, until finally he say her come out the garage door and walk to the car. He had forced himself to sit inside because he knew the security cameras would be all over the car. Finally the driver opened the door for her and they were alone again.

"Well?" He asked worriedly. Her hands were shaking and he caught them in his and brought them to his lips.

She let out a ragged breath. "He was upset, but it's done. The wedding is off. I gave him back the ring... But I need to call Daddy and Cyrus... I think... things might get ugly over the baby..."

Chuck shook his head. "Things may get messy over the baby, but the baby is still beautiful. Still loved."

She smiled and nodded.

"I know you want to run, but I meant what I said. We can raise the baby right here. This is our city, and a few pathetic people with cameras won't change that... it never has."

She nodded again. "You're right... Then where do you want to go?"

"Wherever you're going." He said with the same honesty that he'd had back at the Empire just a couple of hours ago.

Had it really been only that long? She'd reconciled herself to being lost to the level of happiness she only seemed to experience when she was with him. She'd told herself she had her baby and she was Blair Waldorf, that would be enough for both of them, but now their lives stretched out before her and seemed to be filled with endless possibilities... and love. She was happy.

She kissed him again because she couldn't not.

"I love you!"

"I love you too." He grinned. Chuck Bass grinned. "... But we still need to decide where to go... even if it's just for tonight."

"Bass, are you getting soft on me?"

"I've yet to experience getting soft around you, but do go on..." He teased.

"We've spent the night in a limo before... on more than one occasion." She alluded with a sultry smile.

"This is a town car." He corrected with a fake frown that pretend to take offense to it being compared to the sanctity of his limo. "And you need a bed."

She smiled at his tone. "I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I'm wonderful!"

"You are... and you're stalling. Do you want to go home?"

She shook her head. "It's been breached. I don't want to go back till Dorota's shored up security. Can we go to the Empire?"

He looked unsure.

"What?"

"I just don't think it's a good place for the baby."

"Agreed. Luckily from its current vantage point it will be unable to tell. You can clear out the sharp objects, pictures of women's underwear... oh, and the motorcycle later." She teased. "Let's go there... at least for tonight?"

They walked in and Blair was once again grateful for Chuck's excellent security team that got them in under the radar and would keep the world out for as long as they wanted. They'd been holding hands in the elevator but separated as they walked into the suite. By the time the door binged closed they were on opposite sides of the room. The tension crackled in the room as each tried to look anywhere other than at each other.

When they're eyes met they clashed with sparks. They hadn't been alone like this without almost any obstacles in a very long time... and yet they were nervous.

Changing the subject Blair sat down on his couch to a daunting task, possibly the biggest one of the night. Calling her mother. After only nearly having to fake fainting once the job was done and all her parents were on the first flight out of Paris in the morning. Chuck was speaking to Ramon about the details when Blair stood from the couch and quietly turned and walked into his bedroom. From the second she'd stood his eyes had been locked on her watching her disappear into his room, bring a more rapid end to his conversation. They'd find their way here eventually, if not, he could give a fuck at the moment.

He followed her as if by invisible tether, and when he got there she was sitting on the edge of his bed. He shut the doors and leaned on them, trying to relax. Her eyes finally met his again, and in an instant there was no distance between them and they were kissing like they'd dreamed of kissing for months, even when they knew they shouldn't, even when they had told themselves they were over. As they started to pull each other closer they both hesitated. It ripped their mouths apart.

"What?" They said at the same time.

"You don't want too?"

"I want to, do you?"

"Yes."

They fell silent. Chuck spoke first. "I just don't want to hurt you... or the baby."

A warm smile crept across her lips in understanding now of his hesitation. "You won't hurt us."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." She nodded urgently. "I promise."

He smiled, reassured, and took an eager step forward. He was dying for her.

Her face froze and she took a step back. "You won't hurt us... but..."

"What? You don't want to?"

She bit her lip before speaking quickly. "I want to! Believe me, I want to!"

He smiled at her exuberance and he tried to reach for her again. She jumped away and was waving her hands over her body to indicate her dress. "There's just... a lot going on under here... things you haven't seen... things that don't look like they did the last time you saw them..."

He looked unnerved for a moment as he looked her up and down. "A third breast? I might enjoy that... I know you would..."

She gasped at the snide teasing and then laughed before hitting him in the shoulder. "Shut up!"

He laughed and caught her in his arms. They could feel the bump between them. The laughter faded and Blair took a small step back before she turned and wordlessly he pulled down the zipper of her flowing dress. She turned back towards him and they stood inches apart as her hands slowly drew the dress off her shoulders and allowed it to fall and pool at her feet.

She couldn't meet his eyes as she stood before him in her lacy black bra, panties, and gartered stockings. In any other moment she'd feel sexy and confident. The swell that grew out of her mid section made her hesitate. Since she wasn't watching him, she was surprised to find him falling to his knees in front of her. Both his hands came up to caress her stomach with awe. Tears filled her eyes.

"This is your baby?"

"This is my baby." She made the first formal introduction.

He stood up and swept her up into his arms and carried her to the bed as if she was the most precious cargo in the world, and to him she was. In the warmth of the bed that had once been theirs and now was again, they made love so gently that it surprised even them.

Afterward they lay in each other's arms, Blair's head on Chuck's shoulder. He kissed the top of her head. "Go to sleep."

"I'm not tired." Her eyes already drifting closed. She felt him smile.

That's when they heard the whining. Both their heads popped up.

"Sorry!" Chuck said earnestly as he got up and headed for the bedroom doors. "He usually sleeps in here, but I'll put him in Nate's room tonight."

As soon as he opened the door his dog ran in and scampered up onto the bed and right into Blair's laughing arms. He called to the dog firmly, but was ignored.

"I see the obedience training we've been taking is clearly paying off." Chuck said sarcastically as he joined them on the bed.

Blair was still laughing as she scratched him behind his ears and he tried to lick her face. The dog that is. Chuck had already been there, and done that. Chuck chastised the dog again, but Blair interceded.

"It's fine!" She smiled at Chuck as the dog flopped into her lap, his head rested on her blanket covered knee. "I've always wanted a dog... Handsome is wonderful, but very much my Daddy's dog. I like yours. He's sweet."

"He isn't sweet. He's a guard dog... with killer protective instincts." Chuck informed her proudly. The dog cocked his head at them before tilting in back to invite back Blair's hand.

She looked down at the dog and giggled again. "Are you sure? I think he'd agree he's sweet... My Sweetie!"

Chuck rolled his eyes and tried to order the dog to his own bed by the window. His dog ignored him.

Blair smiled. "Okay, Sweetie, listen to Daddy and go lie down."

Much to Chuck's disgruntlement the dog jumped up and trotted over to his own bed. Chuck flopped back on the bed and pulled Blair down with him. "I guess since you're sharing your baby with me... I have to share my dog with you..."

She smiled at the put upon lilt to his voice and tease back. "It is only fair... But my baby is going to smell better than your dog."

"You clearly haven't spent much time with babies..."

Later in the night Blair woke up on fire, and not in a good way. She was sweltering and it was only when she sat up that she realized why. She was covered with the sheet, the duvet and two throw blankets, all of which had caused sweat to drip off her body and wake her from her sleep. She looked around smiled because of where she was, but frowned when she saw Chuck wasn't there. She got up to go look for him as she pulled a robe he had laid out for her over her shoulders and tied it above what had once been her trim waist.

It wasn't hard. He was sitting on his couch.

"Chuck?"

"What's wrong? Were you cold?" He asked with concern.

She shook her head.

"Chuck? What's wrong?" She could see his clenched jaw from across the room.

"I'm behind. I have to catch up and be ready with you... for you. For the baby."

"What are you talking about?" She asked as she came to sit beside him. It was then that she saw that he had several windows open on his computer and a myriad of books on pregnancy, birth and parenting.

"I registered for infant and child CPR... I registered you too because I wasn't sure if you'd done it already or not? I've also registered in several other classes... bathing, diapering, feeding... but I think that's up to you to start? You do want to breast feed don' t you? It's up to you, but it does seem to have many benefits for the baby... I also contacted my real estate guy, and he can take us around to places as soon as tomorrow morning, unless you want to stay in your own home? It is close the the Park, so it's good for both the baby and the dog. I'll live wherever you both live. Speaking of which, I've spoken with the dog trainer and Sweetie starts Baby Preparation classes on Tuesday. Oh, and I've upped my therapy to two sessions a week."

Blair's mouth was hanging open. She hadn't heard him talk this much at one time in years. She grasped his face in her hands and kissed him hard. That shut him up.

The next day they sat with her parents to discuss the future. Upon their arrival, Blair would swear Chuck blushed under Eleanor's stiff gaze. It was thrown off by Cyrus' bear hug.

Eleanor rolled her eyes then looked at Blair. "I used to think that I should have shipped you off to a convent run boarding school after the first time I caught him in your room-"

"Mother!" Blair gasped aloud looking towards her fathers.

"Please. Did you really think I'd believe the you'd just fallen asleep after studying with Chuck Bass? Besides your headband had been crooked."

Blair sighed. It had been a dead giveaway back in those days. She ignored Chuck's smirk.

"As I was saying... I should have shipped you away then... But I think even then it was too late."

Blair and Chuck's eyes sought each other's and held on. It was. Their fate had been sealed long ago.

After an explanation filled lunch, they all sat back.

"It won't be easy..." Ramon said softly.

There were many head nods and Chuck squeezed Blair's hand where it held it in his on the table.

"There is one thing that will substantially increase your chances of gaining primary physical custody and being able to stay here in New York..." Cyrus said as he and Harold made brief eye contact, both knowing the answer.

"Anything!" Blair said quickly, understanding that Louis had just as many rights to the baby as she did, but wanting to keep the baby with her and Chuck as much as possible.

"Well, Blair-bear... A single mother with a boyfriend is one thing... a stable married couple is another in the eyes of a judge..."

"What?" She gasped. "That's ridiculous!"

"Blair, darling, if Louis were to bring in yours and Charles' history... you can see how... temperamental it could seem to a judge..."

"Youthful confusion!" Blair declared adamantly. "We've always loved each other. It just took a little while to sort itself out..."

"Excellent! Then there's no reason not to have a wedding!" Cyrus said happily.

Blair turned quickly to Chuck who had sat quietly through it all. She was shaking her head as she grasped his hands. "Chuck, you don't have to feel pressured. This is 2011... 2012 by the time the baby is born, I'm an intelligent, wealthy woman, and you don't have to marry me to secure the baby. I'll make a judge see that we're where the baby should be."

A lump formed in her throat as he pulled his hands from her tight grasp. She blinked back tears.

"I had hoped to ask your many parent's permission first, but..." She slipped down to one knee before her. "Blair Waldorf, would you marry me?"

For a moment she was too stunned to say anything. Then he pulled the ring from his pocket.

"My ring!" She half shouted as she threw herself into his arms.

A collective gasp rose of the ring, and Eleanor gave a "My, my." because after all... it was the most perfect ring Blair had ever seen. He had to pry her arms off of the death grip they had around his neck.

"Is that a yes?" He tried to joke, but he really wanted to hear the answer he'd been dreaming of hearing for a year and a half since he bought it.

"Yes. Chuck Bass, I will marry you. YES!" She went back to her choking hug and ignored the 'thank gods' from her parents who were exhausted by the back and forth nature of their daughter's romance. There was the sense, however that this was it. There would be no more breaks, they would be going forward together.

Two weeks later they were married quietly in her mother's apartment, surrounded my close family and friends, and ever peony Chuck's florist could get his hands on.

The conflict over the baby raged on with Louis, but the majority of the issues were settled. Since the baby would not be born in wedlock with Louis, his mother refused to acknowledge the child, which made things harder on Louis, but easier on Chuck and Blair. The biggest point had been the hardest to win. Louis ceded sole physical custody of the child for the first five years, but with full visitation rights. It was more than Blair could dream of, but it had come at a price. He wanted to be present at the birth of his child, fair enough, but he refused to allow Chuck to be there as well. Louis felt that this was their child, and while Chuck was her husband and step-father to the baby, he hadn't been there at conception and he shouldn't be there at the birth. Blair and the lawyers had fought, but Louis had begun to threaten to back track, which was when Chuck agreed to not be present for the birth. Later, when they were alone and tucked together in their new bed, bought fresh for their new home, he whispered his assurances. They'd have their whole lives together with the baby. They'd let Louis have these few moments and then have the every moment after that as the only us that mattered. Her, him and her baby. He moved down her body to press his lips to the skin of her stomach that shielded her baby.

It was easier said than done a couple of months later when Blair's water broke. Chuck stayed through the labour, but when the delivery was about to start, Louis was allowed in and it was Chuck's turn to leave. Already in a state she clung to Chuck hand. Chuck looked down at her in the bed, in pain and sweating despite the drugs that were supposed to make this pain free. Her eyes pled with his to stay. His eyes were wet as he leaned down to cup her face and intensely look into her eyes.

"I'll be right outside. You can do this. You are Blair Waldorf." He kissed her and tasted the tears that had slipped out, but he didn't know if they were hers or his. "Now, hurry up and push so I can come back to you... and meet the baby."

"Okay." Blair nodded and put on a brave face. "It's probably better that you don't see what's about to happen. You'd never want me again."

"I'll always want you." Chuck said and kissed her forehead hard and then left before he couldn't bring himself to.

Louis tried to hold her hand but she ripped it away to hold onto the rail of the bed. "You're here for the baby, not me." She told him firmly.

Louis had agreed to allow Eleanor in as a support for Blair, and so held her other hand out, where it was taken by her mother. She wished with al her heart that Chuck could have been with her, but it didn't lessen the total joy and elation she felt when she finally pushed the baby from her body. With an ear piercing wail her baby was born. They placed the baby on her belly. Even Eleanor was crying as she clung to her daughter's side and gushed over her first grandchild. Louis was stiff and shocked at her other side as he cut the cord and held the baby for several minutes.

"It could have been different..."

"Not really... I'm sorry, Louis, I was always meant to be with Chuck... timing has just never been our strong suit till now."

Outside in the hall Chuck was going crazy. They'd been getting regular updates from nurses and doctors in the room, with the final one being that the baby had been born. Everyone was safe and healthy. Nate, Serena, Lily, Dan, all Blair's dads, Dorota and Rufus were just about ready to tie him down.

About twenty minutes later Louis came out and was greeted by his handlers. He made no comment to anyone as he left the hospital. Eleanor came out a few minutes later with a smile on her exhausted face. Before she could say anything, Chuck was running to Blair.

He stumbled into the room but caught himself. The private suite was quiet and dimly lit. All he saw was a tired, but elated looking Blair laying in the bed with a small, white swaddled, bundle in her arms. They'd agreed to wait on the sex of the baby, so he had no clue. He walked slowly to the bed, smiling like a man so happy that he'd lost all his mental facilities. He perched on the edge of the bed beside her and she angled the bundle to show him a tiny splotchy, pinched, disgruntled looking sleeping face.

"She's beautiful." Chuck gasped, believing it. His eyes sought hers now. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I may never cross my legs right again, but I'm fine."

"Well, I don't really have a problem with your legs being open, so we'll do alright."

She rolled her eyes at him and then they both stared at the baby again.

Blair smiled, her eyes wide as she carefully shifted the baby into his arms. She knew he'd be able to hold her properly. He'd taken more baby classes than she had. He'd been given a perfect score for all holds, diaper changing, and burping. "Chuck, this is our daughter."

His eyes shot quickly to hers, and she amended. "Louis is the father of this little girl, but you're going to be her Daddy. That's much more important."

Chuck nodded in agreement. He unconsciously began to rock with her and Blair smiled running her hand up and down his arm.

"I didn't think it would happen this quickly..." He admitted.

"What?"

"That I would love her this much so soon." He looked down at the baby that already had him wrapped around her little finger. "Did you hear that? I love you, Vivian Eleanor Waldorf, with all my heart... Just as I love your Mommy."

"Mother." Blair corrected.

Chuck shook his head. "Mommy."

"Fine." Blair huffed. "But you can't make it dirty anymore."

"Fine."

Even though there were a million people waiting outside to get in the three of them cuddled together a little longer, and they knew this was it. This was the us that mattered to them, and the one that they would always fight for.

TahDAH! Okay so this was designed as a one shot, but I'm going to leave it open just incase the mood strikes me to add to it. I also got a massive kink in my neck. It feels like the tendons are trying to rip themselves out of my skin.

Okay, I should also say that for personal reasons I am unable to refer to Chuck's dog by his given name. I went with Sweetie. Apologies.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! Okay... So if you're a big fan of the pure version of Us: You, Me and Your Baby... maybe stop reading now. I'm kind of messing with it to allow myself to write about what it really bothering me. The un-dealt with loss of her baby, and given that I like to write my own way out of thing that I missed on the show, I decided to write a piece on it... and then I had the thought to add it to this. I'm nervous about this... and at if I can pull it off, which is the same feeling I had about Slip. Once again, I tried something new for me, so if it doesn't make sense please feel free to ask me questions... or I'll try to recap at the end note? Thanks! Oh, and when I told Marina about this, she said it was a good idea, so if this sucks... totally her fault. Not mine! Here we go...

Blair rolled over in bed and the sun nearly blinded her with it's light, but it didn't hurt. She smiled in its light. It felt good to be home with her baby... and her husband. Her husband. Her baby.

She sat up and looked next to her but found then bed empty and she frowned as she pushed her hair off her face. Getting up she padded to the nursery but found it empty and a chill ran over her but she pushed it away. Life was perfect. Vivian and Chuck made her life perfect. She smiled at the thought of them and was filled with a sudden need to find them.

It seemed to take forever but she searched, room by room, their whole apartment until she was standing in the foyer alone, still not finding them. Hearing a noise behind her she spun around and flinched to see Dorota standing right behind her.

"Dorota!" She gasped and then frowned. "Did you take the bells off your shoes? I thought we'd had the discussion about sneaking up on me when I was seven. Now, where is Chuck and Vivian?"

"Ms. Blair, you're alone."

Blair's brow creased and something twisted inside of her. Confused she tried to make Dorota understand. "I'm not alone. I just need to find Chuck and Vivian. They're all I need."

It seemed like Dorota hadn't even heard her because she turned and walked away.

"Dorota!" She called out, not understanding why her maid wouldn't stop walking away from her. She felt the need to add on desperately. "I'm going to the park! I think Chuck took Vivian to the park!"

Her words fell flat in the empty apartment. She hurried into the elevator, out of the building and out onto the street. Looking back and forth she couldn't decide which way to go. She rubbed her temple for a moment, her head hurting that she couldn't remember how to get to the park. Taking a deep breath she looked again and saw the trees at the end of the street and hurried towards it. She was almost there when she bumped into Serena and Dan, and Blair laughed, relieved to see them. It seemed like the city that never sleeps was empty today.

"Serena! Dan!" She breathed, trying to hug her best friend, but it felt like she hit an ice wall when Serena pulled back with a blank face that was matched by the hipster man beside her.

"What's wrong?" Blair asked.

"Stop pretending, B, it's unbecoming."

"I'm not pretending. You're not making any sense. I'm standing on the street talking to someone who's clearly lost their mind. Now, can you just tell me if you've seen Chuck and Vivian?"

"Who?"

"Chuck and Vivian." Blair clarified like she was talking to a moron.

"Well, yes, I know who the brooding billionaire with the 'have-sex-with-me eyes is."

"You know you would." Serena commented mildly.

"Guilty." Dan smiled. "So we've decided who Chuck is... but now... Who is Vivian?"

"What are you both talking about?" Blair asked in frustration.

They both looked at her for a long minute, but then turned to each other and picked up their very Wonderland conversation.

"Scarlett O'hara?"

"Vivian Leigh."

"Frankly dear, Humphrey, I don't give a damn."

They both laughed and Blair ground her teeth. "Fine. Enjoy whatever drugs you've taken. I'm going to find my husband and daughter."

Blair started to hurry away, but stopped in her tracks when Serena was right in front of her, blocking her entrance to the park.

"Serena?"

"They're not there, B." Serena said firmly.

Blair shook her head and insisted to her friend. "They're in the park."

With a quick pace she made her way along the path towards the duck pond, seeing in her head the times they both took Vivian to feed the ducks. She wanted to get there but the pavement stretched, and she was also hindered as she made her way there by mother after mother pushing strollers through the sunshine filled parks. Heading right for her, forcing her to move out of their ever pressing way. One after another they passed her. Blair feels like she should know at least one of them. One of them. They're mothers, she's a mother. Mothers know each other, they greet each other. Don't they?

She moves quicker, searching for her husband and daughter.

Finally she gets to the duck pond but the tension that has been building inside of her since she woke up is coming to a head as she finds it devoid of anyone but her. She grows frantic and the trees seem to spin, kaleidoscoping around her and making her dizzy, making her sick. Blair shuts her eyes tightly to stem the panic and nausea bubbling inside of her.

Blair opens them seconds later and she's still in the park, but the duck pond is gone and day is now night. The paved path under her feet is gone and she now stands on a road that twists through the park.

There's a car smashed into a wall several meters away, and she wants to be confused, but it seems too familiar. The wall protects the trees behind it, but not the people who were in the car as it slammed into it.

She must have missed him before, but she sees him now, a man standing by the wreckage. His back is to her but she doesn't need to see his face to know who it is.

"Chuck!" She calls to him, but her voice makes no sound even to her own ears.

Then she's by his side, shoulder to shoulder as they look at what is left.

"This is the end of us." He says clearly.

"What?" Her head snaps to look at him, but his eyes remain on the broken car.

"This is where we ended. You, me and your baby."

"No." She croaks, finding it hard to breathe, but forcing out a firmer reply to his devastating words. "NO!"

"This is where your baby and I ended."

Pain sears through her as she understands what he's saying, but she tells herself not to believe it, but the death of her baby and Chuck is a pain that she can't tramp down. She feels like the ground is sucking her in, trying to swallow her whole.

He's wrong she tells herself. "You're wrong!" She tells him. This wasn't the end of the us that they'd started to plan for, that they both had wanted. She'd left Louis like they'd planned. They'd finally committed to a life spent together and gotten married. Her baby was born, her Vivian was alive and healthy. Her life was perfect because she was living with the only us that mattered. Her, Chuck and her baby.

It's as if he's heard her. His voice comes to her ear as if from behind her, which is where she realizes he now is. "No. There is only you."

She turns quickly and her stomach bottoms out as she sees that he's right. She's standing alone on the glistening black pavement surrounded only by darkened trees that feel like even they are moving away from her. Blair looks down again as blood begins to flow in dark, nearly black rivers, down her legs. Panic seizes her and she begins to spin, desperate for the sight of her Chuck and her baby. The blood pool grows and opens around her feet, and Blair falls through. Endlessly falling.

Blair jerks awake and sits bolt upright, a scream trapped in her throat. For long moments she can't catch her breath and her hands reactively fist the sheets that have become beaten by her trashing. She looks around and carefully reminds herself of her surroundings. She's in her bedroom, the room she grew up, the room that feels like home. She looks over to the space beside her and sees that it is empty and tells herself that this is her reality, not what she was just dreaming of.

She gets up because she has to, knowing the dream will stay with her longer if she stays in the same space and thinks about it. That will serve her no purpose. It's best to forget. She walks to the bathroom and splashes water on her face, drying it, and then walking to the door that led into the bedroom that adjoined it. She looked at Serena's empty room and wrapped her arms around her middle. Serena had been gone for weeks now.

Going downstairs she brewed a pot of tea, filled the tea pot and sat at the island to pour it. She held the cup between her two palms, knowing that it seemed to be harder than usual to put the dream she had repeatedly behind her. She sipped at the tea in her empty penthouse, but put it down with more force than she should have, the fine china rattling against the marble countertop. She couldn't do it any more. She couldn't stay away from him.

She got up, dressed quickly and did what she'd been trying not to do for what felt like forever. She went to him... to plead with him. For forgiveness. For another chance. To fight for the us that was just them. It was half of what she wanted more than anything.

Chuck walked across the lobby of the Empire, pinching the bridge of his nose to relieve some of the tension. He'd spent all day at Charles Place and it had been what felt like a never ending experience. It was after midnight and his day had started before eight this morning. It was why he at first thought he was hallucinating when he glanced across the lobby and thought he saw her sitting at the bar. His eyes narrowed and they told him that his instincts were right. Blair Waldorf was sitting in his hotel.

His feet moved him towards her as his eyes picked up information on her. There was an untouched martini sitting in front of the recent divorcee.

"Blair?" He asked in disbelief.

"Hi." She said quietly.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, still baffled.

"I wanted to see you."

"Why didn't you go upstairs?"

She shrugged. "Security wouldn't let me. I figured you had told them not to let me up..."

He shook his head making a mental note to speak to security and go over who and who was not Blair Waldorf.

He shook waved a hand, cutting through the air. "Georgina got up there a while ago and several employees lost their quarterly bonuses. People have become hyper vigilant since then..."

She smiled a little. "I see." She looked up and into his eyes through her lashes. "So... I can see you?"

"You can always see me." He assured her. He felt like something was here tonight. He felt his hopes rise at the messages he was reading off of her. He told himself to stop but he couldn't help but hope that his patience was paying off.

He indicated for her to walk ahead of him and they went up to his apartment. They were quiet, Blair in her world, Chuck trying to gage her. They got upstairs and as they walked to the living room, four paws quickly patted in to greet them. After receiving a pat from his Chuck, the dog trotted over to her and nudged her hand. She pet the top of his head, and smiled down at him, but Chuck read a sadness behind her beautiful dark eyes. He called the dog away and watched till he went and lay down in his dog bed by the window. When he looked around again she'd gone to sit on the couch. He followed her because that's what he did, and sat cautiously next to her, not touching her but looking at her face in profile as she looked down at her ringless hands folded together in her lap, palest white against the black of her skirt.

"I saw you." She said in a small voice.

"What?"

"In the hospital I saw you... and you reached for me... and I heard the machines... and the people... and I saw you die." She finished brokenly. "I told myself that it couldn't be happening. I couldn't be losing you forever... and I just felt this... void open up."

"Blair..." His voice broke. He knew the feeling, the feeling that they were lost to each other forever. It was the worst pain he had ever known, so bad that his mind had had to shut down his ability to experience it in order to protect itself.

She knew him and knew what he was thinking as if she could read his mind. "No." She shook her head. "It's different. If you died... that would be it."

She turned to look at him with eyes filled with tears before she spoke earnestly to him. "Chuck Bass, you are the love of my life. How am I supposed to live knowing that you are lost to me, without any hope of us finding our way back to each other... forever."

"Blair..."

"So I... pushed you away. Chose Louis." She said looking at her lap again. "I felt like... I had to make the safe choice. A part of me thought it might be easier... to not be near you, no matter how much I wanted to, to stay away from you... to not spend my life with you knowing I could lose you."

Things began to click as he processed her words, and he copied ones that had been with him since she had said them. "Even if you weren't with Louis... You wouldn't be with me..." Chuck's eyes widened as things began to fall into place.

Blair shrugged, feeling small. "Louis could never hurt me... because losing him didn't hurt. Everything about him... felt safe... until that blew up in my face."

She managed a small smile.

"What about Dan?"

"Dan?" She asked confused.

"Yes, the third man to be most recently in love with you." He teased.

Blair rolled her eyes in a way that made it clear what she thought of that. Ever since she'd found out that Dan had been the one to send in her confession of love to Chuck during her wedding and then tried to convince her it was Chuck who'd done it, she hadn't wanted much to do with him.

"Humphrey should have learned from my mistakes. Scheming to win or keep Blair Waldorf never works." Chuck mused softly.

"That and he should have never stepped off the crazy train." Her voice had the first signs she'd shown all night of her usual snap. It dropped off and she shrugged again. "I thought he was my friend... Until he clearly wasn't. He's also... ruined my friendship with Serena."

She sound so mournful he tried to assure her. "Never ruined. You two are stronger than Dan Humphrey. You'll work it out."

"Maybe. I tried to fix them, then tried to fix us... to very little success." She gave a hollow laugh. "Nothing really seems to be working out the way I planned or the way that I wanted lately. And before you say anything... I know it's my own fault."

"From my own experience... It's never to late to... change... to try to do better... to be better."

"It worked for you." She smiled warmly over at him.

"Thank you." He said quietly.

He said nothing, clenching his jaw, once again afraid to hope.

"Chuck... I'm so tired of trying to stay away from you... I'm scared... But... I want to be with you. For forever... if you'll even have me." She shook her head before he could speak, and her voice was thick with tears and emotion. "I know I've hurt you... unbearably... and maybe you can't forgive me, but I'm sorry."

A small sob escaped her. "I just want you to know... that I love you, with all my heart, and will love you forever..." Huge tears rolled down her cheeks. "If you'll have me... I want to spend my whole life with you. Just you."

She felt like she was going to be sick, waiting for him to tell her she'd destroyed them and any chance they had was gone. She waited for him to tell her that he didn't love her anymore, that she was too late. She waited for him to push her away like she had pushed him away so many times in the last few months. She waited for what was left of her heart to be shattered and to have to live with the knowledge that it was her own fault.

He slipped to his knees in front of her and took her hands in his. Her eyes shot to his in surprise.

"I'd be lying if I said there weren't moments where I tried to give you up... but it was always in the back of my mind... that we could find our way back to each other... We're meant to be. And I knew something was wrong... I knew that you loved me like I loved you... I just couldn't understand."

"I'm sorry." She said again feeling his agony as well as her own.

He shook his head. "Blair, I've made mistakes in the past too."

She was trembling and he squeezed her hands tighter, knowing she didn't feel like she was worthy of his forgiveness and desperately trying to reach her.

"I told you I'd do anything for you... and I would. I would tell you I forgive you, but there's nothing to forgive... and more than anything... I would like us to stop keeping score... to move forward on an even keel. Blair, I love you." He told her adamantly. "And I've been waiting for you. I'd wait forever."

She could see it all in his eyes. His love for her. His truth in saying the hurts of their past could and were being put behind them.

"I love you, Chuck." Her hands slipped to his collar, pulling him closer. "You don't have to wait anymore."

"Ever?" He had to ask, wanting forever with her so much it twisted his heart in his chest, but wanting the assurance that this was it. No more back and forth

"Ever." She promised, vowing to him and herself that she was going to be with him forever. It's what she wanted. It's what he wanted. It was what they both wanted. Chuck and Blair forever.

They sealed it with a kiss that said neither would be letting go again.

Three weeks later Blair jerked awake in her bed again, her heart in her throat, but this time when she looked beside her she found Chuck lying there. Where he was meant to be and where he had been since they reunited. Feeling her startle, the arm he'd had wrapped around her tightened. Blair smiled at the action and the feel and presence of him calmed her and she relaxed back into the bed. His beautiful was was on the pillow nest to her's and she rolled her head to the side and watched him sleep for several minutes and she stroked his hand, not being able to resist touching him, now that she could forever.

Later, when the sun had come up, he stirred again, and she curled herself into him.

He didn't open his eyes but a smile curved his perfect lips. It made her smile.

"Morning." He said as he pulled her even closer.

"Hi." She said warmly and kissed him before pulling back to declare. "You have twenty minutes to have your way with me, Bass. Then I need food."

"I can work with that..." He burrowed under the covers happily.

He placed wet kisses down the valley between her breasts, pausing to lavish attention on two more sensitive spots before moving on. He slid his tongue around the soft dent that was her bellybutton and smiled as he heard her gasp. His tongue moved over her skin, and maybe it was subconscious, but he found the three centimeters of skin that was marred by a small lightening mark that skittered along what was otherwise perfect skin. He felt her stiffen under his attention and he quickly moved his mouth away to other planes of skin and she began to relax again.

A part of him wanted to address it, but since he'd first seen it when they were in the shower weeks ago she'd made it clear that she didn't want to talk about it and she definitely didn't want to talk about it's cause. He'd let it drop and continued to do so... but he knew the time would come. For now his mind went back to focusing on the pleasurable matter at hand.

An hour later he walked out of the bathroom in his robe and was mildly surprised to see her almost fully dressed. He was about to tease her into getting undressed with him again when he saw the look on her face. She held her phone in her hand, clearly having read a text, but her face was a million miles away.

"What's wrong?" He asked coming to kiss her cheek.

"Look's like we're going out for breakfast." She said as she took a breath, put her phone down and came back to him.

"Hm?" He asked as he pulled her into his arms.

"Dorota's not feeling well." She said as she played with the lapels on his robe until her finger tips could touch the chest hair she loved.

"Is it-"

"No." Blair cut him off looking away. "She's just not feeling well."

"So we're on our own for breakfast?"

"However will we manage?" She teased and the smile came back to her face.

They went to breakfast. They ate, and talked, and held hands. Like idiots, neither could stop smiling.

As they left the restaurant their hands were still intertwined and Blair tucked close to his side, both of them enjoying the freedom to be close.

"Walk?" Chuck asked feeling happy and in love and it was a beautiful early spring day.

She nodded, commenting that his dog would be jealous if he kept taking her out for a walk instead of him.

They walked along the edge of the park, but when Chuck started to lead them into it, Blair pulled him along. He raised a brow at her and they stood there for a moment looking at each other, hands still locked but body's pulling in opposite directions.

"The park is this way..." He squeezed her hand.

"But the bracelet I like is in a window on Madison..." She said coyly, tugging a little on his hand.

He looked back over his shoulder at how beautiful the park looked today, and turned his head back to try to win her over again, but he caught such a look of dread and pain in her eyes that it stopped him cold. Her eyes were locked on the same entry point to the park, but it was clear she saw none of the beauty. She looked at it like it was the mouth of hell. Chuck stepped in front of her blocking her view and lifted her chin up to him.

"Blair?"

She shook her head as if to clear it, and he saw her push whatever was in her down. She gave him a shaky smile.

"I just don't feel like being exposed to joggers and park people." She quipped.

Chuck nodded and they started on their way again. After a couple of blocks Blair became aware of the sulky expression on his face. Chuck looked disgruntled.

"What?" she asked.

"I have bread in my pocket..." He confessed.

Her laughter continued for almost a block, and in between giggles she commented. "You really have become a lover of animals."

The next week Chuck was just finishing a meeting when he got a text from Blair.

_Dorota's in labour. - B_

_I'll meet you at the hospital._ He smiled and texted back since he figured she was already there.

This is what Chuck had thought anyway... until he got to the hospital and she was nowhere to be found. He sat in the waiting room and waited, not so much for a baby, but for his girl.

Later as the evening stretched, a town car pulled up across the street from the hospital. Serena got out, thanked the driver and climbed out of the car and pulled half dozen balloons out with her. As the car drove away a wind picked up and suddenly she was caught in a mass of balloons, ribbon and long blonde hair.

After much spinning and twisting she untangled herself but was left slightly disoriented. As she pushed the last of her hair out of her face she looked around and the first thing she laid eyes on was Blair. Her first reaction was to call out to her best friend, but then some of their most recent exchanges flooded her head and her anger returned.

Over the past few weeks, Blair and now Chuck had tried to negotiate a peace between them, but so far Serena had been resistant. Chuck may be ready to forgive, but Serena was not.

Serena was just about to turn away when she stopped and really looked at Blair. The other woman stood ramrod straight, her ankles and knees seemingly welded together. All of her in fact seemed to be statuesque. Even her arms that clutched a bouquet of flowers to her chest, and her wide unblinking eyes that stared without waver at the hospital.

"Blair?" Serena called out before she thought better of it, before she could rationalize the emotions she read in Blair's... everything. Serena also made note of the state of Blair's skin and the way she shivered, she seemed to have been standing out here in the chilled early spring night air for a very long time.

She called her name twice more, each time growing in volume and entreaty.

"Blair!"

Finally Blair seemed to snap out of it, and she looked over at Serena and seemed confused to see her standing there.

"Serena?"

"Yeah..." Serena spoke clearly. "Blair... What are you doing out here?"

"I came to see Dorota..." Blair explained distractedly.

"Then let's go in and see her..." Serena urged, sensing that she had to get her friend moving and out of this place she seemed to be trapped in. "She's had the baby! A little boy!"

She had told her this because she thought it would make Blair smile, make her happy and want to get moving inside to meet him. It had the opposite effect.

Blair's eyes shot back to the hospital, it was like a shudder passed through her and she looked down at the flowers in her arms, up at the hospital and then back to the flowers. Blair. She shook her head and then started to force the flowers into Serena's arms.

"I'm sick!" She said quickly as she made her friend take them.

Serena finally accepted them, nearly loosing her balloons at the same time. "What?"

"My nose is stuffed. I have a fever. It feels like half a pond has taken up residence in my throat! I can't go in there! I could get Dorota's- I could make other's sick!" She insisted firmly. "I just... can't go in there!"

Her actions made Serena worried for her, especially when Blair started to back away, even more when she saw the tears that were shimmering in the other's eyes.

"Blair, wait!" She called, trying to reach her. "I'll come with you!"

"No." She shook her head, her hair whipping about her face. "You have to go in... Tell Dorota... Congratulations... and... I'm sorry!"

Blair was gone before Serena could react, but she stood there, worried about her friend for long moments. She took her phone out of her pocket and for the first time in a while she called Blair. "Hey, B. It's me. S. I'm just worried about you. Please call me... we can have hot chocolate on Met steps tomorrow? ... Please call me."

Finally Serena headed into the hospital. She followed the directions and walked into Dorota's room. She smiled as she saw the happy family. The mother with a baby in her arms, a father by their sides.

"Serena!" Chuck calling her name brought her spinning around and once again tangled in string, hair and balloons.

After finally getting untangled for the second time with Chuck's help, Serena called out to the growing family. "Congratulations!"

She glanced at Chuck for a moment before directing her attention to Dorota and presenting the flowers. "These are from Blair! She would have brought them in herself, but... she's coming down with a cold and she didn't want to risk anyone getting sick!"

Dorota looked hurt for a moment, but cleared it to smile. "Of course."

After visiting for a while, Chuck took Serena's elbow and whispered to her. "Can I speak with you for a moment, sis?"

They bid goodbye to the family and went out to Chuck's limo.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know." Serena said honestly. "But I think... we both could guess."

"She never wants to talk about it..."

"I know." Serena assured him. "With me either. I don't think she lets anyone bring it up... but I think it's eating away at her..."

Chuck nodded.

"Chuck... I was with her when she found out... that the baby was gone. I saw her bury it. Maybe it was me? Maybe I was a bad friend for not trying hard enough to make her talk about it... maybe I didn't want to see how much it hurt her? I just wanted my best friend to be happy."

"It's not just you... I was so glad to have her back... I avoided it too. She seemed happy... most of the time."

"I think she is." Serena quickly assured him. "I know you make her happy... I think she just hasn't dealt with this yet...

He nodded again. Chuck had his driver drop Serena at Lily's and then went to look for Blair. Chuck clenched his jaw. He'd known something hadn't been right. She hadn't been right. At night as she slept next to him, in his arms, he would feel her jerk and cry in her sleep. He knew she was haunted, but he had shied away from it, not wanting to dig up a past that hurt her because he hated the idea of her in pain. But he realized that he hadn't helped, and he wanted to help her now. He only hoped that this time she would let him.

He just had to find her. He didn't have to look hard. When he texted her she told him she was at the entrance to the park near her house.

He spotted her as they pulled up and he was out of the car before the limo had even stopped. He could only see her from behind and he ran to her, turning her around and pulling her into his arms. She was like ice against him.

"You're freezing!" He held her closely, rubbing his hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her up as he searched her face.

She'd been starring at the park but now she was staring at nothing. "I have to find her."

"Who?" Chuck asked desperately, wanting to help anyway he could.

"My daughter!" Blair burst out and tried to pull from his arms to run into the park. The dream that had haunted her for months twisted in her head and she was left confused.

He kept a tight grip on her, scared for her and what could happen if she got away from him and into the park, alone, at night... in this frame of mind.

"Blair, no!"

She fought him wildly. "Let me go! I have to find her!"

He had to reach her. He had to take a stand. "She's dead, Blair! Your baby is dead."

It was like gas being thrown on the fire. She jerked and cried, and it ripped at Chuck to have been the one who had hurt her in this way, but he knew he had to do something. She couldn't go own with this pain festering so deeply inside her.

"No." She shook her head. "Noooooo!"

Her knees started to give way as she began to sob. Her hands fisted in his lapels. He held her tightly, tucking her close. He ignored the people that passed them. Letting her cry, letting her sob, letting her vent. An eternity seemed to go by until she finally started to relax and go limp in his arms.

"My baby..." She whimpered.

"I know." He whispered, collapsed on the pavement with her. "I know."

He kissed the top of her head. "Let's get you home."

He felt her nod against his chest, and he scooped her up in his arms, carrying her the few blocks to her apartment. He didn't stop until he had her up in her room, and he placed her gently on the bed. She looked like she was in shock, and she didn't move as he quietly took off his coat before carefully taking her shoes off and climbing into bed with her and pulling the throw blanket over them.

He held her tightly in his arms, her head on his chest, his chin rubbing her crown. She started to cry softly again.

"Talk to me..." He begged.

"I can't..." Was all she could say, the sobs starting again.

It took a while for her to stop again, and he was with her through it all. She'd been quiet for another long stretche, and he though she may have fallen asleep, when she spoke.

"I didn't know before."

"Didn't know what?" He asked quietly and with caution.

"I didn't know what I was going to have, a girl or a boy... I wanted to know, but Louis wanted it to be a surprise... And I think I felt... guilty? For the whole paternity issue... So I let it go. I figured in a few months we'd know anyway... So I could wait."

Her voice was dry as she spoke. "And then... the baby was just gone. I was never going to be able to know my baby... but I had to know something. I got my file..."

She smiled sadly. "My baby was a girl. It didn't say... what colour her eyes were or if she had my dark hair... but it was something. I was going to have a daughter."

"She would have been perfect like her mother." He mused softly. "Did you pick a name?"

He knew she had. She was a dreamer and a planner. Even before knowing the gender she would have made a list. Blair lifted her head so she could look at him when she said it. "Vivian."

"It's perfect."

"I thought so." She said as she lay her head back down on his chest. "Do you realize... if she had lived... I'd be a mother now?"

He nodded and pushed a lock of hair off her face.

"In the hospital, before the doctor even told me... I think I knew my baby was gone, but until she said the words... I just kept hoping I was wrong. She said... I lost the baby... Like I put her down in a mall like some over stressed suburban mom, and then forgot where I'd left her. I would have done... anything to keep her. I would have been a good mother!" She started crying again and the blood of her dreams filled her mind and a part of her felt like she was losing her daughter all over again.

"You would have. Amazing. I've always know that." He desperately assured her as his grip tightened.

"It's not fair!" She said once and then louder repeated. "It's not FAIR!"

It was like all the anger at what she'd lost started to bubbled out of her and she trashed to get out of his arms, screaming and beating the bed. And Chuck let her, let the rage and honest anger get taken out on the pillows and mattress.

She was gasping and empty when she collapsed, and let Chuck take her into his arms again. "It's crazy." She sniffed. "I never got to even see her... or hold her... but I already loved her so much. I'll always love her... this baby I never even met!"

He nodded, rubbing soothing circles into her back.

"It felt like everything was out of control... My baby was dead. You were nearly dead. And if you followed Vivian... I... I... would have nothing. I loved her so much... I love you so much..."

"And then... I just kept trying to do things that I thought would hurt me less in the long run, but they only ended up hurting me more... and hurting you... and the other people I love. I don't know why you don't hate me."

"Never. Even if I wanted to. Even when I wanted to." He said truthfully.

"I'm a mess." She told him. "You could do better."

He shook his head and moved so she was on her back and he was on an elbow over her. "No. You're a mess _right now_... but you've been through a lot... and you tried to do it on your own. You're not alone in this."

"It feels like I am."

"Blair, when I promised you I was going to love your baby as much as I love you... I wasn't lying."

"But you never even met her." She pointed out.

"It doesn't matter. Even if we'd never planned on raising her together I would have loved her. She was a part of you so how could I have not?"

"True."

"I know... Myself and everyone else don't bring her up very much... Because we've all been scared to talk about it with you, scared to hurt you... but I think you need to talk to someone.

She raised a brow at him giving him her first real flicker of sarcasm of the night. "You want us both to be in therapy? How modern."

He smiled. "Whatever it takes. We're together in this together."

She smiled back, feeling lighter than she had in a long while. "I love you, Chuck."

He looked at the love of his life and answered her back with deep assurance. "I love you too, Blair."

Tahdah... I usually write an exclamation pint after the "TahDAH" but I not quite sure of this piece so I'll let it slide a little. Okay so basically this piece makes the entire first chapter a dream. It's a dream that she's had repeatedly since the accident, and it's an echo of the trauma she experienced. I hate that the show hasn't addressed it. It's a horrific thing to have happened and I also think Leighton could do something amazing with it. I'm holding onto the GGWriters tweet about her not being like Blair being on purpose (paraphrasing). So who knows? Maybe they'll do something wonderful? For now? This is what is in my head... and now in this fic. I may do an epilogue? I'm not sure. If you have questions feel free to ask. Hope you... enjoyed it!

PS-I have the Voice on in the background and I almost started crying when no chairs turned around for a guy. Oh, and some dude sang a song by the musical love of my life, Ray LaMontagne. And... now I have a little crush on Blake Shelton.


End file.
